Access to the mind

One of Fringe's fictional characters, Walter Bishop once said, "You will never have an idea of how it feels to have no access to parts of your mind."

Morbid and ridiculous perhaps.

Initially forbidding access to a particular topic of a particular subject for the sake of not jeopardizing more important things at a particular time frame, and now stuck.

The finals I was preparing a lot for is now over. With goals eye-blindingly high up I managed to achieve a tad bit more than I had aimed for, merely just for Biology. Certainly I was elated but there was something missing.

Whatever I felt felt weird. It was as if the brain had failed to compute anything. Then later realizing that it wasn't just feelings but even thoughts. No longer able to dive into a sea of uncertainties on an adventure of knowing the unknown. At least for the moment.

Why, I don't know. How did this happen, I don't know. None of the numerous questions that pop in my head every single day can even be answered. Out of the blue I cannot do what I'm good at doing. Out of the blue I have no authority to control my brain, as though my brain, like a human, is feeling momentarily sick of all the seriousness. Utter robot I seem to be now. These piling and entangling questions are smothering me.

Are my memories even genuine? Did they happen? Was I awake when all of that happened? Where was I? Did they really exist? What's real and what's not?

This is worse than being topsy-turvy. Another after-effect of being in an abysmal world, perhaps. I hope not.

It's really dark ahead, and I simply only have this one light to follow which guarantees a way out. And that is enough.