Sealing

I could have toppled over if I hadn't gone down the slope slowly. I could have fallen steeply and crashed onto the ground.

Lethargy came snowballing its way down. I knew but did I care?

I couldn't.

What exactly, did I allow myself to do, if any at all?

I didn't know how to seal selectively. Or perhaps it just couldn't be sealed by its own. Perhaps it just couldn't.

Something has gone very wrong. What is it I don't know.

This is not me, I realize that. I've realized quite a few things, but I'm indifferent about it; this is not me.

It doesn't matter to me how I'm feeling nor what reactions I have towards something. It doesn't matter what I have to say nor what's happening to me. Virtually nothing matters. Perhaps I've stopped caring. And that's a problem if it stays out of me for too long.

I'm losing parts of me. My identity.

Devaluing on purpose.

I'm doing nothing.

I've just stopped caring. I don't want this to happen, but I can't seem to be able to do anything. Have I stopped struggling?

Mechanical and emotionless. Cries in helplessness. I beg for guidance. I beg You, God.

Nevertheless I'm trying to stay steady and strong. What to fight for? More questions.