I could have toppled over if I hadn't gone down the slope slowly. I could have fallen steeply and crashed onto the ground.
Lethargy came snowballing its way down. I knew but did I care?
I couldn't.
What exactly, did I allow myself to do, if any at all?
I didn't know how to seal selectively. Or perhaps it just couldn't be sealed by its own. Perhaps it just couldn't.
Something has gone very wrong. What is it I don't know.
This is not me, I realize that. I've realized quite a few things, but I'm indifferent about it; this is not me.
It doesn't matter to me how I'm feeling nor what reactions I have towards something. It doesn't matter what I have to say nor what's happening to me. Virtually nothing matters. Perhaps I've stopped caring. And that's a problem if it stays out of me for too long.
I'm losing parts of me. My identity.
Devaluing on purpose.
I'm doing nothing.
I've just stopped caring. I don't want this to happen, but I can't seem to be able to do anything. Have I stopped struggling?
Mechanical and emotionless. Cries in helplessness. I beg for guidance. I beg You, God.
Nevertheless I'm trying to stay steady and strong. What to fight for? More questions.
